Smear

I worry about my psychological well-being sometimes when I write.

And let's be honest, I've seen, two, maybe three horror movies ever, after being dragged to them by someone or another. In fact, I can say that I've enjoyed one, Cloverfield, and it's been argued whether that even counts. (It is a Monster Thriller, I am told.)

Recently, I blogged about a sort of gory dream I had, and considered that far enough. It was bad enough that I dreamed something so gruesome but the idea of actually expanding it creeped me out.

I had a nightmare this morning that I woke from terrified at about 6:45 am. My first thought was: AWESOME. Inspiration for some fiction!

That's not right. I should have been scared.

So today I'm driving home and this one hits my conscious mind and I'm repulsed at that dark part of me. But just for a moment. More than anything, I'm excited that it could be fun to explore that and write it anyway. I couldn't get to the coffee shop fast enough.

Ergo, I'm very recently the proud parent of something I'm a little shocked to have done. Except, I really think it's ..almost kind of good.

After re-reading it, I had a quick flash of guilt. These thoughts aren't proper. They aren't even mine. Where did this horrible author come from?

Oh, right. Time to blog. After all, I have a tag in the cloud just for my dreams. Not all of them, not just nightmares, but ones I find interesting enough to share or want to remember. Now, why on earth would anyone think dreams are important enough to write out or share, you ask?

Because the whole of human experience is important enough to share. It's not too private, everyone dreams. A step more relevant: everyone has dark or weird thoughts. Telling myself it's too grisly to write is that horrible critic between my ears coming with a reason to only write "nice."

Once more, the heart was triumphant, though. This is something I'm getting used to. The brain said "wait," but the heart sang "let there be music, you needed bemusement now go for it. Do. Do."

I love it when my heart talks. Perhaps that's it's greatest trick.

Now, who wants to read a horror story and tell me how bad it is?